Ephesians 5 is a passage that can feel a bit tricky, especially for women who value equality. It’s natural to read phrases like “wives, submit to your husbands” and pause. What does that even mean for women today? And how does it fit with the idea that men and women should be equals, especially in relationships?
While it might seem like these verses conflict with modern values, there’s more to them when we dig deeper. Let’s break it down and look at how women today can approach this scripture in a way that’s true to their faith and their belief in equality.
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Context is Everything
Reading Ephesians 5 without understanding the culture of the time would be like watching the middle of a movie and trying to make sense of the plot. Paul wrote this letter, and in the society he was a part of, women had very few rights. They didn’t have the option to own property or make big decisions. It was a different world from the one we know today.
When Paul wrote about wives submitting to their husbands, it wasn’t about endorsing male control. He was speaking into a culture where women were already expected to do this. But he didn’t stop there. He also told men to love their wives as Christ loved the church. And what did Christ do? He gave everything, including His life, for the church. That’s not a love that controls; it’s a love that sacrifices.
The Meaning of Submission in Ephesians 5
The word “submission” can bring up a lot of strong feelings, and for good reason. It’s often used in ways that make people think of giving up their power or their voice. But the Bible’s take on submission isn’t about someone lording over another.
The Greek word Paul used for submission, “hypotassō,” is about voluntarily putting yourself under someone else’s leadership, not about being controlled. It’s more about teamwork. And right before the well-known verses about wives and husbands, Paul says something important: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). So, the idea of submission in marriage goes both ways. It’s about mutual respect and love, not domination or inequality.
Mutual Love and Respect
In Ephesians 5:25, Paul tells husbands to love their wives like Christ loved the church. If you’re picturing a kind of love that demands things from others, you’ve got it wrong. Christ loved the church so much that He put the church’s needs above His own. He served, He sacrificed, and He loved unconditionally.
This is the same type of love Paul calls husbands to have for their wives. It’s a love that says, “I’m here to serve you, to support you, and to help you grow.”
Women today who value equality can see that submission, in this sense, isn’t about one person being more important. Instead, it’s about two people choosing to love each other selflessly. It’s about creating a partnership where both people have value, and both people work together.
What Submission Looks Like in a Modern Marriage
So how does this all work in a modern relationship? How do you live out Ephesians 5 if you believe in equal rights?
- Communication: In a healthy relationship, submission is never about one person telling the other what to do. It’s about open communication. Decisions are made together, with both people having a say. If there’s something that one of you feels strongly about, you talk about it.
- Shared Leadership: The idea of a husband leading doesn’t mean he’s in charge of everything. In today’s marriages, leadership is often shared. You might be in charge of finances while your spouse takes care of other things. You both bring strengths to the table.
- Love and Service: Loving each other like Christ loved the church means putting each other’s needs first. It doesn’t mean being a doormat. It means serving each other in ways that show love and care. Maybe it’s taking on extra responsibilities when the other is stressed, or making sure to carve out time for each other in a busy life.
In modern marriages, living out Ephesians 5 isn’t about one person calling the shots. It’s about two people working together, loving each other, and making decisions that reflect that love.
Reinterpreting the “Head” of the Household
Ephesians 5:23 says, “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.” That phrase can be tough, right? Because “head” often gets associated with leadership, and leadership can feel like control. But Christ’s leadership of the church wasn’t about control. It was about caring, guiding, and loving.
Being the “head” in a biblical sense isn’t about telling someone what to do. It’s about taking responsibility for the health of the relationship. It’s about being willing to put the other person’s needs ahead of your own. And for women who value equality, this is something you can totally get behind, right? You don’t want someone who controls you, but you do want someone who loves you enough to take care of you in a way that mirrors how Christ loves us.
Equality in Christ
Galatians 3:28 tells us that “there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” This is an important part of understanding the Bible’s teaching on equality. In Christ, men and women are equal. Period.
What Paul teaches in Ephesians 5 isn’t about making men more important than women. It’s about how men and women, in a marriage, can reflect the relationship between Christ and the church. This reflection isn’t about power dynamics but about love, sacrifice, and care.
Practical Ways to Live Out Ephesians 5
Here are a few practical ways to live out the principles of Ephesians 5 in today’s relationships:
- Serve each other: Look for ways to put your spouse’s needs before your own. It could be something small, like doing the dishes after a long day, or something bigger, like making a decision that benefits your spouse more than it benefits you.
- Communicate openly: Talk to your spouse about decisions. Make sure you both have a say, and that no one is making decisions alone.
- Love unconditionally: Loving like Christ means loving when it’s hard. When things aren’t going well, or when life is stressful, loving each other can mean stepping back and being patient.
- Respect each other’s strengths: One person might be better with finances, while the other is great at planning family events. Lean into each other’s strengths and celebrate what you both bring to the relationship.
- Pray together: Asking for God’s guidance in your marriage is an important part of living out these verses. When you’re both on the same page spiritually, it’s easier to work together as a team.
Living Out Equality and Faith Together
The truth is, the Bible’s teaching on submission isn’t about giving up equality. It’s about living in a way that shows mutual respect and love. Submission, in the biblical sense, is about choosing to serve each other, and it works both ways.
Women today can embrace their faith and their belief in equality without feeling like they’re contradicting themselves. Ephesians 5 is a call to mutual love and respect, where both partners work together. It’s not about control, but about love.
Final Thoughts on Ephesians 5
Ephesians 5 doesn’t have to feel outdated or at odds with modern values. When we look at the context and heart behind it, we see a call for something beautiful. It’s a call for men and women to love each other like Christ loves us—with patience, sacrifice, and a lot of grace.
In a world that often pushes us to compete with one another, Ephesians 5 reminds us that love, service, and respect are what make a relationship strong. Women can read these verses and feel empowered to live out their faith, knowing that submission, in this context, is about building each other up, not tearing each other down.
